Polysecure

extremely valuable book for me. even though it is primarily meant for people in hierarchical polyamory, i found it applicable for myself, being solo poly and practicing relationship anarchy with a partner. i think that it is even helpful for people in monogamous relationships and singles, as it also discusses being in a secure relationship with oneself. the structure was very clear and i found every part of the book helpful and easy to understand. it was a good mixture of theoretical explanations and practical tips. there were many pointers to other works for further reading. i will definitely buy this in print to consult it whenever i want/need to work on my attachment issues.

Probably the best book I’ve read on adult attachment theory so far and I would say this is a more universal read that the title might impress. Fern gives an astoundingly thorough, textured and accessible explanation of attachment styles, including societal and environmental influences, and gently side stepping the parent blame game. Fern also does an excellent job including connections vs attachments and secure base vs safe haven, breaking relation into chunks that you can then start to piece together for yourself. I think this book would be beneficial to anyone and everyone who wants to learn about attachment in adults, and how to nurture secure attachments with the people in their life, romantic/sexual or not. If I were to compare it to Attached (as many people do) I would say that this is a much more beautifully nuanced book that can give readers more practical tools to identify what is askew in their relationship(s) to resolve the issues. Attached does a better job exploring the impressive studies showing how secure and insecure attachments affect us. In this same vein it drives home that not every person is compatible because of how their attachment mechanisms function.